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| Fixing a friendship | |
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| Topic Started: Jul 21 2016, 06:08 PM (794 Views) | |
| Sergio | Jul 21 2016, 06:08 PM Post #1 |
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sayori best girl
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Hey guys, I know the community has lots of diverse people so I figured at least some people would be able to help me with this. Recently I had a big argument with a close friend of mine. It was all caused by a misunderstanding, but we pretty much hated each other for some time. Then I realized we were both wrong, but I didn't wanna wait for her to apologize so I went and apologized to her. She said everything was fine, but I know it's not. Ever since this happened (3-4 weeks ago) we've been slowly drifting apart. I definitely want to fix the friendship, since we used to be like brother and sister, and I know she wants to be friends again too, but something just isn't working out. I'd normally just move on, but this is the only time I've cared so much about a person outside my family. I don't think it's depression, but I'm definitely not as happy lately as I was before the argument. Any ideas to what I should do? Edited by Sergio, Jul 21 2016, 06:10 PM.
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| Terrena Laxamentum | Jul 21 2016, 07:01 PM Post #2 |
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There is always something going on...
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I know this may sound a bit weird, but what was the argument about? With what you said, it seems that you have to let her know that you really mean it. And let's be honest, there have to cooperation from the other side too. If she is not trying, nothing you do would really matter. And, as shitty as it sounds, it may be time to let go, but let's not get brash so quickly. |
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| Sergio | Jul 21 2016, 08:53 PM Post #3 |
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sayori best girl
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Pretty much, somebody said that she'd told half our grade that I'm bi (I don't want irl people to know it since I'm afraid how my Christian mom will react), so I called her a bitch and fake-ass. However, then comes this dude who, as soon as he found out about it, goes straight up to her and tells her I said things which I obviously didn't, and she believed him so she started ating me. Then I found out she actually hadn't told anybody so I went to apologize for what I said, but she believes I'm hiding her things I said. Thanks, I'll probably try talking to her again within the next few days. The thing is I don't even know if she's traveling (we're on vacation rn) and I don't want to talk over text because it'd seem I don't care enough. If she doesn't listen, then I guess I'll have to move on. |
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| Imperator Furiosa | Jul 21 2016, 09:25 PM Post #4 |
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Chaos Theory
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No offense guys but could we keep the language a little more PG in the future? I know it's something upsetting so I just don't want to have to warn anyone. Anyway, my junior year I kind of went through something similar but unlike with you there's no chance in making up with my ex friend. Our friendship ended with harassment and stalking by her but I mishandled it too. The best advice I can give you is if you really want to save your friendship is that you have to talk it out with her and it may take some time to rebuild her trust. You two might need some distance for a while until emotions stop running high and it can be helpful to have another friend there when you do talk just to make sure it doesn't get out of hand. If you don't feel like it'll work out then I'd just let it fade away on its own rather than confronting her. I hope things will work out again and that you two can repair your relationship, losing friends isn't a good feeling. |
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| Consultant | Jul 21 2016, 10:42 PM Post #5 |
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Do you have any close friends that also know her that you could talk about this subject with? Because although we may want to help, we have no idea what the character of your friend is, and friends can have the best advice. |
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| Terrena Laxamentum | Jul 21 2016, 10:54 PM Post #6 |
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There is always something going on...
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Ah well, my advice still stands firm. Oh, and make thigs clearer when you tell her that you did nothing wrong. @Imperator Furiosa: Sorry, I was using my 'general conversation' vernacular, I forget that the forums have stricter rules. I apologize once more. |
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| saurianne | Jul 21 2016, 10:58 PM Post #7 |
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I hope you can fix your friendship. Like the others said, the best you can do is talk to her, but try to do so in a calmer mood. Acknowledge and apologize for where you were wrong, and hopefully she'll do the same. Try to address the root of the problem. Once things start to improve (assuming they do), maybe set some time aside to do something you both enjoy doing together. Your friendship may never be like before, I'm afraid, but hopefully you'll be able to persevere and be closer for it. I know from personal experience how painful watching a good friendship fall apart can be, and unfortunately it may come down to there being nothing you can do. My advice in that case is to first acknowledge that one failed friendship does not make you unworthy of friends by any means, and that it's okay to feel lonely and mourn what once was. Believe me when I say it will be agonizing, and if you need to talk to someone, don't hesitate; it helps so much. Either way, it's important you give it time. Even if you both come to terms with what was said and remain friends, things won't heal overnight. I wish you luck, and I hope that you and your friend learn from this experience. |
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| Terrena Laxamentum | Jul 22 2016, 12:59 AM Post #8 |
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There is always something going on...
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Oi, at least you did not destroy the relationship on purpose, that would have been quite bad.
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| Zoo Tycooner FR | Jul 22 2016, 05:11 AM Post #9 |
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#Lithopédion
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I had like exactly the same problem (that now is fixed) , not so long ago actually (2 years ago ?) . And I will just quote what other said : The best thing to do is to talk to her (and apologize) and she'll probably (and hopefully) apologize and ''forget'' what happened . Talking with a friend (that also knew that I'm bi) helped me a lot too ... Anyway, I really hope everything will be fixed and I wish you all the best .
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| Sergio | Jul 25 2016, 02:09 PM Post #10 |
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sayori best girl
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An update on this! I texted another friend and I got as a reply "hey this is mafe, I got daniel's phone" (mafe is my the friend I had the argument with). I decided to ask if there was anything I could do to fix the friendship (again), not hoping to get a reply, but she said "Nothing. I'm not even mad at you anymore." So apparently time does fix everything
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| Lgcfm | Jul 25 2016, 05:08 PM Post #11 |
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The Download Lady
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I'm glad to hear that, however I want to say that from what you said I think this was a trusting issue. You say this friend is very important to you, but you don't seem to trust eachother enough. You believed she had betrayed you because someone else said so, without even asking her about it. Then likewise she believed you were hiding stuff from her. Even if everything seems fine now, you should work on that if you don't want your friendship to fall apart in the end. Try to trust her more, don't believe she did something just because someone said so, and also try to make her trust you too. Also I don't want to be pessimistic, but you should still be careful. It's well known that girls will usually say "it's fine" "I'm ok" "I'm not angry" etc. when it's not true. (Source: I'm a girl). Of course I'm saying all of this based only in what you have told us, I don't have full knowledge of the overall situation and I don't personally know the people involved to be able to give better advice. |
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| Imperator Furiosa | Jul 25 2016, 05:27 PM Post #12 |
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Chaos Theory
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^Lgcfm is right, girls can have a habit of saying stuff like that even if they don't mean it In my experience if someone says that it'll mean that either they want to spare someone's feelings or just don't want to talk about the issue. It really depends on the person though, because when some people say that they aren't mad or everything is fine they mean it. It'll be easier to gauge how she actually feels next time you see her in person, but for now I'd assume she was sincere.I will agree with Lgcfm on the whole trust part. Just from what I know it seems like you might need to reestablish trust in each other or build it up more, and it's harder to do that at your age (blah blah I'm old ) but in my experience at least the 14-16 year old age range has the hardest time trusting other people, and it takes time to be able to.
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| Sergio | Jul 25 2016, 05:30 PM Post #13 |
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sayori best girl
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@lgcfm Yeah, I forgot to mention I've known the guy who told me for at least 10 years now, I didn't think he'd lie to me. And I also agree with what you and IF said. |
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In my experience if someone says that it'll mean that either they want to spare someone's feelings or just don't want to talk about the issue. It really depends on the person though, because when some people say that they aren't mad or everything is fine they mean it. It'll be easier to gauge how she actually feels next time you see her in person, but for now I'd assume she was sincere.